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3 questions to ask yourself when you’re not feeling grateful

IMG_2065The world is a crazy, wonderful, magical and confusing place.

It’s filled with miracles and pain. It’s filled with love and fear. It’s filled with joy and hate.

This is magnified especially when there are events that happen in the world that are upsetting and tear down the beauty of life.

Leaving you feeling down on humanity and not sure what to do about it.

Personally, I’m a big fan of using gratitude as a tool.

But what do you do when you’re not feeling so grateful, for whatever reason, and are focused on the pain or upset instead?

As coaches, leaders and parents, we tend to feel like we need to have it all together and when we don’t, we start feeling like an imposter.

Some say fake it. I say step up, be honest and become the example.
Own your side of the street – own your shit.

Being real and honest about how you feel = FREEDOM. Click to tweet…

When you are able to do this, then you can help others do the same by being an example. When we all can be honest with how we feel and not force being grateful, then we can and get rid of trying to be something we aren’t, or feel something we don’t.

The best part about this is that it’s not set in stone. When we honor what is true for us it opens up the door to being grateful.

When my Gratitude Generator is rusty (yes I’m human too!) …

This is what I practice (and have my clients do) to get it working again.

First, I acknowledge how I’m feeling by validating it.

Then, I begin to check in to see where my awareness is hanging out.

If I find that I’m focused more on what is not working or what needs to be fixed, it’s time to check in to see how I’m showing up for myself. I look to see where I’m leaking energy and find the #1 thing taking my gratitude energy away.

This helps to shift my perspective from lack to abundance. How I begin to turn the car around, so to speak, is to use what I call Focused Awareness.

Heads up, I’m calling myself out here.

I used to be the person who said YES to each of the 3 questions below. As a Fashion Display & Design student they taught us to look at what was missing or could be fixed. This worked when I was in the fashion world because this is how the culture was.

It never felt good to have it done to me or do it to others, but this was how this world functioned. It was more of an ego trip to find what could be better all the time. Talk about enhancing feelings competition and of having to be perfect!

When I shifted into the worlds of personal development, yoga, and coaching, it did not help one bit – zero. I had to change how I looked at myself and the world around me. This was a HUGE time of release.

It was uncomfortable and worth it. Once I shifted, I went from a lack mentality to an abundance mentality. It was not long and drawn out, it was WAY easier.

3 questions to ask when you’re not feeling grateful…

I invite you to get real with yourself and ask these questions, knowing whatever comes up is perfect.

1. Do you tend to focus on what is working or what is not working?

2. Do you tend to point out what’s missing or what you have?

3. Do you tend to pay attention to who shows up or who didn’t?

Now you, Sweet Soul, it’s check in time…

What came up for you?

If you answered YES to all or one of them, then you are not a bad person. You are human and can turn this around by playing with Focused Awareness.

This tool is easy, free and effective.

It’s time to turn the car around and focus on what is working.

Right now, not later or tomorrow, look at the area of your life where it’s more challenging to be grateful.

What can you see that is working in that area?

If you are the type who journals or likes to do reflection, then you’ll have a blast doing this!

Make a What’s Working in My Life List.

List out as many things as you can come up with, I usually do about 10.

Be totally present without distractions when you do it. Notice what you notice. See what shifts you make and how it helps you to be grateful when you weren’t able to be before.

After you make your list, notice if your ability to be grateful has shifted or expanded. I know when I do this it feels more aligned.

Using this tool will help you to be better at being more observant and spiritually present in your life and business.

I want to hear how this tool helps you!

Tell me in the comments where were you feeling stuck, and what you can now see is working for you. And if you’re still feeling stuck, share that with me so I can help.


Your Angel of Fire,





P.S. If you are a coach, once you use this process for yourself, give it to your clients who tend to focus on what is not working, or tend to focus on what’s missing, or tend to pay attention to who doesn’t show up. (Feel free to use the questions above or make up questions that suite your clients.)

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