Ever Feel Like You Just Can’t Win?

You get up, go to work and on this one day you have the opportunity to spend it doing something else; something other than your “job”. Something that you think may just be what you want to do for the rest of your life.

Then, at the end of the day, you feel exhausted, tired and have no idea why. No matter what you do, you’re tired. Your body wants to sleep and you feel inconvenienced by your fatigue. You’re confused because you were hopeful that one day this would have been something you would want to do with your life.

You pushed through the day and now you’re thinking: “I can’t do this. My body can’t handle it.” And now you are stuck in the job you have.  ;(

So you blame it as a symptom of a disease, forgetting about what happened a few weeks earlier. You forget that you just broke up with a guy you really liked—who seemed to be Mr. Right on paper, but showed he was not an ideal partner for your choice of lifestyle. You forget that you were depressed. You forget feeling it was the hardest break up ever.

Instead, you beat yourself up. You wonder what is wrong with you. You ignore how your body feels and push forward anyway. You stop taking care of yourself—even though you know what is best for you to do.

You feel that you just can’t win.

Can you relate to any part of this story? This is what one of my clients shared with me on the last group coaching call in my Inner Circle Mastery program.

Was it all true? Yes it was—she just couldn’t win in what she experienced.  She told herself a story, believed it and the evidence proved that she was right: she could not win and she did not know why.  Her fallback was a diagnosis of MS [Multiple Sclerosis]. She saw the sole root of her fatigue stemmed only from her diagnosis.

When you’re given a diagnosis, it’s easy to fall into the trap of using it as the default problem whenever you do not feel good. Basically, it gives you somewhere to place blame for feeling like you just can’t win—ever—and allows you to continue believing your story is right.

This is not isolated to just having a diagnosis to deal with. It happens most of the time when there’s a crisis that changes how we live our life. It can be a breakup, divorce, loss of job, abuse—basically any place we feel we are defeated due to something we then keep using as the excuse.

Watch out when you’re in a defeated state because it’s easy to slip into “victim mode” and not even realize it.

I know—when you’re the in thick of it,  it’s not as easy to see that you are even doing it. Perspective is everything.  Next, I will share with you the steps I use myself and with my clients when they feel like life is against them in some way.

One: Take a Step Back
Remove yourself from the story. Give yourself space. Listen to what you feel is the cause of this.  (You may have to take a break and get some fresh air and move your body to move the stagnate energy around to help you.)

Two: Is it True?
Ask yourself out loud a few times, “Is it true that I can’t win?” (Most likely a “yes” comes, followed by a “well – maybe”, then next a “hey, that’s so not true”.)

Three: Seek the Evidence
Look at what else has happened, beyond this one isolated incident, that may be the underlying cause of feeling this way. Come from an objective point of view. Take it on like an investigator.  What else could be contributing to your feeling this way?

[Note: If, as you are reading this, you want to go back and do the steps, take some time to get clear before you move on to this next part.]

Now after you did those steps let’s go a bit deeper.

Check in to see:

  • Have you created a habit to blame this one thing for everything not working for you?
  • Are you showing up for the NO’s instead of the YES’s?
  • Are you ignoring what your body wants or is asking (or screaming—to get you to finally pay attention) you for?
  • Are you beating yourself up for feeling the way you are?
  • Are you wanting to keep the story of “not winning” alive?

Finding any clues here where you can turn this feeling of defeat around?

After working with my client in the Inner Circle Program through using these steps, she was able to recognize how she frequently used her diagnosis as her excuse; more than anything else.

This was her “go-to point” that evolved into her crutch; totally discounting what else happened. So she freed herself of this way of thinking. It can be pretty simple when you actually take a step back to look at what you are telling yourself, and how it plays out to make you right every time.

What story are you stuck in keeping, that you are now ready to release in order to begin to feel like you are winning everyday in your life?

I’d love to hear what came up for you after taking these steps. Make sure to take that baby step and leave a comment below. (That baby step is one step away from feeling you can’t win, and one step closer to discovering how to be more self-reliant.)

Ps: Curious? Want more information about my next Inner Circle Mastery program starting this June? Click here to find out all the deets!

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  1. Such perfect timing for me. It’s so easy when I am tired to think the whole world is ending and everything sucks. I have gotten way better at realizing that I am actually just tired…and this too shall pass, it’s one incident not my whole life. It’s a common issue for highly sensitive people. While I do think some of it is the sensitivity and learning how you work, how to care for your self…I also think that it’s the JUDGEMENT mingled with THE STORY that gets heavy and consuming and any one will get tired with that weighing you down. I have been experimenting with using my tired feeling as a barometer for connection to my desires. Whenever I feel tired, I use that as an indicator that I could be more connected to my source. Sort of like when my lap top flashes the little red battery at me, I need to reconnect to my outlet! My creative outlet. I drop anything I am holding and get back into something juicy. So far it’s working! Thanks for this support and extension of your self. It adds reassurance that my story isn’t true if so many people feel this way too. LOVE YOU! Keep it coming, hot stuff.

    • Hillary Rubin says:

      It seems that many of us are feeling this way Ane. Love how you are transforming your feeling tired into a place to recharge, I do that too! Glad you dug it and were able to share your wisdom yet again. xo

  2. Hillary,
    Thank you again! Wow! You just helped me once again!
    Sometimes, I am just so tired. I blame it on my weight. I know, I need to do something about it.
    But now, I am not going to let that be a crutch for me. Instead, when I am exhausted and really don’t have a good reason to be, I am going to do a mini-workout to get myself revved up.

    • Hillary Rubin says:

      You are welcome Risa. As you know the program was pretty powerful. Good to see what you can do as a solution love that’s powerful. 🙂

  3. Liz Longacre says:

    Great post Hillary! I often get so tired and wiped out, I think because I put so much emotion into things. I, like everyone, have things I can blame my crappy feelings on, but I’ve been learning to do that less. The hardest thing is that sometimes there’s comfort in falling back into that victim mode, it’s such familiar territory that it sometimes feels like home. Feeling indestructible or like I can climb any mountain is not home for me, but it’s getting much closer than it used to be.

    • Hillary Rubin says:

      Thanks Liz! Yes I hear you on the emotions and they are a good place to find insight for next steps. What is you let go of the title “victim” in mode and just honor what’s comingup. Just a thought. 🙂

  4. cynthia says:

    Thanks for your post Hillary!

    At the moment, I am not in that downward spiral, yet when I reflect on past moments, it seemed to take on an energy in and of itself when that ‘I can’t win’ sort of thinking creeps in…that somehow the deck is stacked against me…and that only a miracle could help me win. It impacts all aspects of my life–sleep, eating, and desire to connect.

    In those moments, I am thankful for my friends that can see I am in that space and who don’t try to fix it or make it better, yet they call, bring over food, and check-in and offer support.

    I’ll be sure to try your steps…..and will have to print your post and keep it where I can see it to put it to use. Almost wish there was some sort of button to press and an automatic recording of it would come through guiding me through the steps you provided at the exact moment it is needed 😉

    • Hillary Rubin says:

      Your welcome Cynthia! I love how you want a button to push… you can record a message and then listen to it? then you have the button. Great comments too how you turn for support. 🙂

  5. Hi Hillary,

    Followed you over from Marie F’s page. Great comment you left. We absolutely give away our power. It’s encouraged from childhood on … need a kid’s liberation movement so we don’t grow up feeling like we have to do what we’re told.

    Thanks! Giulietta

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