How To Handle REJECTION Like A Pro

Hillary Rubin — Wed, 16 May 2012 11:00:44 +0000

Have you put your heart and soul into something,
only to get feedback that sounds like…

“That’s already been done.”

“Oh, it’s too commercial.”

“Who would want that?”

…or you didn’t get the job, or your partner ended
your business relationship? (or love relationship) It hurts. I’ve been rejected many, many times
and recently with shopping my book around
been getting some practice.

What I’ve noticed is there is a deeper pain that comes of it.

It’s no secret that rejection hurts...

The key is not to get caught up in that pain for too long. Did you know that the word rejection was first used in 1415? It meant “to throw back” (thank you, Oxford Dictionary).

It makes sense, right? If something isn’t up to par, it goes back to be made better. For example, when you’re putting together an outfit but you just don’t like how it feels or looks, what do you do? You reject it, and go try something else on, right?

It’s easy to do it yourself, but when a third party is making the call, the ego gets involved. We all want to be loved and have our creations, ideas, and visions be accepted. But the simple fact of the matter is that some of the time they won’t be. And that’s a scary prospect.

Don’t let the fear get you. When rejection comes your way, see it as a stop sign instead of the end of the road. Pause, look both ways, and proceed to your destination.

I recently read in Psychology Today that neuroscientists are exploring the way our feelings of rejection relate to physical pain.

“The consensus has been that brain regions related to the affective component of physical pain (the aversive feeling of it) also underlie social rejection, while brain regions involved in our sensory experience of pain (the physical feeling of being hurt) do not. However, in a paper published recently in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, researchers found that being rejected – when that rejection is intense enough – recruits brain regions involved in both the affective and physical sense of pain.”

To sum it up, being rejected does really hurt – the body never lies.

“When you’re following your inner voice, doors tend to eventually open for you, even if they mostly slam at first.” – Kelly Cutrone click to tweet this quote…

(psst… something you don’t know about me: I opened Kelly’s NY PR office back in the 90’s!)

How to prep yourself for the big “R” shows up.

When it comes to presenting an idea, asking someone’s opinion, making a request, or putting yourself into any area where you may be rejected, have bookends.

Bookends are so powerful. They enable you to be prepared, and have a safe container of your before and after. They’ll keep you from feeling like you’re hanging over a ledge, about to fall into the abyss if things don’t go your way.

The before bookend: Pre appointment, meeting, call or presentation.

Before start whatever it is you have planned, do something that centers you, lights you up and sets you up to KNOW you are unstoppable. I like to challenge myself by doing a series of sprints, or remind myself what I already have overcome in my life.

The after bookend: Post appointment, meeting, call or presentation

Note: whether it’s the news you wanted or not, you must have this in place or this will not work.

Set up a way to celebrate, no matter what the outcome is. Go for dinner, take your fave yoga class, or treat yourself to that simple pair of earrings you’ve had your eye on. Create a sacred meaning for yourself.

Do whatever lights you up here, because you deserve it.

Most important: no matter how it plays out, make sure you have your bookends set.

Some ideas for meeting the BIG “R” head-on: Set up a time to talk to a friend who believes in you. Have your session with your coach. Have a date night with your partner or a friend. Take a class that moves your body. Create a file of your best feedback, like a “This is Why I Rock” file.

And always, always MOVE TOWARDS THE LOVE.

Here’s what you must to do next to be the success you are meant to be:

You should in the driver’s seat of your life. When you avoid doing something because you think you might be rejected, you’re letting fear and ego take the over. Are you ready to put both of your hands on the wheel for good? Or will you be left hanging the next time that meeting, idea or presentation doesn’t go your way?

You deserve to move forward, and the world is waiting for you. Are you ready?

Because you are smart and creative – here’s what I want you to do next:

1. List out your Bookend befores and afters. Pinpoint any places you may be rejected, then make a date and create this container for yourself. Put it into action!

2. Then, if you are on board to use this easy tip, print this post out. Or if you’re an activator, let me know how it went for you in the comments below.

3. Finally, if you are ready to take the first step towards a happy, more productive life, then I am inviting you to join me to turn your life/career around click here to find out how.

Lots of love to you sister.

Your angel of fire,

Secret Strategies to Get Rid of Overwhelm Fast

Hillary Rubin — Sun, 06 May 2012 11:00:07 +0000

Do your lists have lists, but you find yourself constantly hopping aboard the procrastination train?

It’s so easy to end up in destination nowhere, fast and frozen, not knowing where to begin.

I get it!

And I’ve got good news: I’ve found some ways to reduce the crushing overwhelm that keeps you stuck at point A.

Are you ready to get your stuff done faster, with more focus and fun?

Got a to-do list that’s too long? Calm your mind first.

Today, so many of us are stuck in “doing” mode that we habitually take on too much, too quickly. By letting our task lists get away with us, we find ourselves stumped. But it’s time to snap out of that pattern, shake it up and get out of the mud!

If you’re like me, you love to get lots of stuff done. Accomplishments give you a sense of peace. But when you’re not crossing off that list, you beat yourself up, right? You feel like like you’re not worthy of enjoyment, or have any sort of fun.

Okay sister, first off: the self punishment has got to stop. You don’t have to get sh*t done to ‘earn’ your fun. Let’s flip this thinking around, shall we?

PRIORITIZE your activities to include FUN! When you define what’s most important to you, you get yourself a ticket on the freedom train. You’re probably doing activities that are eating up all of your time. That’s what gets you in the cycle of doing everything at the last minute. That’s the root of all your stress. This kind of pressure is completely learned – and it sucks!

Did you forget that we all have the same 24hrs in the day? It’s how we use it that makes the difference.

“It’s not enough to be busy, so are the ants. The question is, what are we busy about?” – Henry David Thoreau click here to tweet this quote…

To stop the “stuck in the mud” or “forever freezing feeling”, you must try this….

First you have to create your Focus Filter to help you be even more deliberate in how you use your time. List the top 3 things you want to get done in the next 30-60-90 days.

For example, you may want to organize your home, get 5 new clients and improve your health. BAM, you’ve got your reference points. This will help you prioritize your time around activities that will guide you closer to these desired results.

After doing this, list out what you are going to get done each day to move towards this goal. This will help you focus and get clear on what you’re going to say NO to.

Instead of a To-Do list, write your To-Be list.

How do you want to feel when you’re getting your sh*t done? Take the top 4 ways you want to feel (at peace, light, connected, etc), and write them down. Then, do whatever it takes to get you there; yoga, meditation, getting into nature, dancing… This becomes your Focus Filter’s Feeling Container. This container is what supports you as you cross off tasks.

Now, write down everything you’ve gotta do. Put on some awesome tunes, light a candle and create an environment to clear the clutter from your MIND. Get it out of your head and on paper. Categorize it. (I create a separate page for my personal and business stuff so I can see it all layed out.) I have clients who do this every night so they can stop their busy mind. If you are like me, then getting everything out of your head will lighten you up.

Remember: not everything will get done here. Keep referring to your Focus Filter for guidance.

Give yourself permission to prioritize. Now go back to your Focus Filter and Feeling Container and choose the steps you are going to take. Breaking the steps down into chunks will help you get closer to your desired result.

ASK YOURSELF BEFORE EACH ACTIVITY – “Does this move me towards X, Y + Z or further away from it?”

Face your pesky obligations head-on. This is the stuff you ignore like paying bills, returning tough calls, filing your papers, or fixing your leaky faucet. You have deadlines that you need to meet, so make it easy. Put all this stuff on your calendar RIGHT NOW, and set up an appointment with yourself to get your sh*t done.

It’s not fun to pay late fees for not making payments on time, or letting your papers pile up. I set up my calendar with specific days to get those sort of things done and clear up any loose ends to get rid of unnecessary pressure.

Now, let’s put it all together so you can get stuff done in less time.

Sunday night weekly strategy planning. Make it a ritual to set aside an hour every Sunday night (but of course you can do this right now if you’d like). Take out a clean piece of paper. Write M-T-W-Th-Fri (and Sat + Sunday if you wish) across the top of the sheet.

Then, list at the top how you want to feel in the coming week, followed by 3 things you will get done. Make sure your obligations and desired results are lined up with your Focus Filter.

I keep a column at the end to add in misc. stuff to work on when I get those tasks done. This helps me make sure don’t put too many tasks on the list per day and set myself up for failure.

Start with what you don’t like. Mark Twain said, “Eat a live frog every morning, and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.” So to translate here, as the self-help author Brian Tracy suggests; do the tough stuff first so you feel in the flow for the rest of the day. And when life gets busy you’ve already finished the tough stuff, so you’re ahead of the game.

Hot Soul tip: 6-10 am or pm is the perfect time to get those tough things done, because this is a slower, quieter time in the day. Wait to work on emails and social media after 2pm, and you’ll feel so much better knowing you are moving forward in your life and business.

Last, but certainly not least: PUT IN TIME TO HAVE FUN. When you take time to be with yourself and your friends and play around, then you’ll get more done in half the time. You deserve to have fun and do what you love, and when you… magic happens. Try it to believe it.

Here’s what you have to do next:

You have the power to make a change right now. Are you ready to take passionate action to test drive this advice? Or will you stay where you’re at? It’s up to you.

If you are a passionate action lover – and I’m pretty sure you are because you are here reading this post – here’s what I want you to do next:

1. I want you to create your Focus Filter, Feeling Container then do your brain dump so you can trim the fat + start moving forward in your life and business. Plan in 1 fun activity right now, and give yourself permission to deserve it.

2. Then, if you are on board to use this step by step plan print this post out (or have already taken action), let me know how it went in the comments below.

3. Finally, share this post with 3 of your friends who you know are feeling overwhelmed, and tell them to jump on my list so they can get more tips like this one.

Lots of love to you sister.

Your angel of fire,

You Already Are a Wicked Manifestor – Here’s Why…

Hillary Rubin — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 11:00:12 +0000

Are you not clear on how this manifesting thing works?

Ever say “I’m not any good at it,”? You are not alone…

It can be totally confusing and frustrating to see others getting what they “want” while you’re still swimming, trying to figure it out. But I’m here to tell you not to sweat it. I’m here to break it down for you in simple steps that make sense.

This post was inspired by a question from one of my YSU’ers – “I would like to hear the basics if manifesting. It’s a word I hear a lot, but I don’t really understand the mechanics of it.”

Loving warning: This is how I understand the process of manifesting to be because it has worked for me personally, as well as my clients. I suggest you read this with a beginner’s mind. Of course you are welcome to agree or disagree and talk to me at the end of this post!

So let’s get cracking here with a lil’ definition of the verb manifest.

Manifest (v): to make clear or evident to the eye or the understanding; to show plainly: to prove; put beyond doubt or question:

There are a lot of myths out there, but the most important one you’ll need to release is the myth inside your own HEAD that you are not worthy of what you desire.

On the contrary, your desires in this life are your birthright and you are not 100% in control of the outcome. The truth is they will play out very differently than you think.

What are you saying yes to? Look at your life and see what you are already manifesting – what you are saying yes to. What is present already will show you what you are putting your attention + intention on. Are you saying yes to pain, sadness, joy, abundance, happiness, love, etc….

For example when you say, I am unhappy in my relationship, or job or the lack of clients or how you are feeling in your body don’t you get feedback that this is what is happening?

The universe is always asking you what do you want. What are you saying yes to? click to tweet this

What you should do now is start your manifesting engines…

Ask yourself this… “What do I want to say YES to, regardless of what is happening right at this moment. (I’m not talking vision boards, I’m talking making a claim to yourself, lifting your energy so the universe can bend itself around you.)

You must take action, take a stand and claim how you want to be in this world – in all situations. Don’t wait for the “perfect” time to be happy. Start giving yourself permission to be happy right now. Build a new groove, and watch how your life shapes to support you.

Let yourself surrender. Understand that everything is working in your favor, even when it appears like it’s not. You may have to let go of something that you no longer fit into, but release it and give yourself more space for what you REALLY want + deserve.

Then, believe in the unbelieveable.

It’s not “woo-woo”, not one bit. Practically all visionaries, leaders, and generally successful individuals get this one.They take time to claim what it is they want to manifest. They dream. They trust. They believe the unbelievable.

Know in your bones it’s already done… You said yes to it. Then they take passionate action to co-participate in the dance of manifesting and keep your eyes open for all the opportunities coming your way.

This is why you’re a fantastic manifestor just as you are: you’re already living exactly what you believe is possible for you + taking action every day on it.

Decide that you live in a friendly universe.

Einstein said we live in a friendly universe – and that man knew something about something.

Focus on what is working for you, and keep your attention on that. Own it. Know it. Feel it in your bones. Expect it to show up wearing a totally different outfit. For the next week, consciously make this shift. Notice how you were putting most of your energy on what wasn’t working – it will amaze you when you do this kind of awareness work.

Become an appreciation aficionado (one who is very knowledgeable and enthusiastic about an activity, subject, or pastime.)

Begin and end every day with the big G: GRATITUDE. Get enthusiastic about your life.
Get excited for everything you have right now. For your blessings, seen and unseen. For what you want.

So to round this up – be clear on what you are saying yes to, believe the unbelievable, know it’s already done, take passionate action and become filled with enthusiastic appreciation for it all.

Never give up. Everything happens in divine time…

How do you feel now? A bit clearer on this manifesting thing?

Now I’d love to hear from YOU about this topic. (do you have tips to share?)

What have YOU found works for you? Where in your life have you seen the power of manifesting work?

Please pour your heart out in the comments below. What you are going to say YES to now?

Your angel of fire,

P.S. Loved this post? Share it with your friends.

Take a Stand + Make a Difference in The Name of FREEDOM!

Hillary Rubin — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 11:00:09 +0000

Do you want to feel free in your life? Ever think what it would be like not to have it? Most of us don’t and take it for granted. Many don’t even have a choice. And today you can help someone who didn’t have a choice get closer to freedom.

Today I’m writing to share what happens to a woman when she can’t ignore her heart because she saw freedom violated. My friend Erin’s heart broke when she watched the documentary Nefarious: Merchant of Souls on global sex trafficking and her fire was lit for the cause. She knew she needed to do more than give money. Her heart spoke and she listened then her mission was born.

Her Mission: to Help END Sex Trafficking

Did you know that human trafficking is the 2nd LARGEST industry in the world? And that 27 million people are enslaved in this modern day form of slavery? I know I didn’t until she brought this to my attention. My heart ached knowing this reality and this is why I am sharing it with you.

She Followed Her Heart and Took Action.

This is why I LOOOOVE her. Erin has put together a very special day, marked with a very special book…of which I am honored to be a part of and writing about Freedom. She did not pause, she is focused on the cause and moving forward with PASSION.

Watch her video to get the full scoop of her why + how you can help make a difference.

But first, she must raise the money to print, bind, and ship the books to prepare for End Sex Trafficking Day on September 26th, 2012 when the book launches. There are less than 11 days left in her campaign and just over $4500 left to raise.

This is where you come in.

Join me in supporting her, supporting this movement to end this horrific reality for so many. When you donate I will get full access to my Living Wellness Kickstart program ($197) to recognize your contribution. It does not matter how much you donate, every $1 counts towards FREEDOM.

How you can make a difference right now

1. Donate…Donate… Donate… ($5 or more…)
2. Send me your receipt to info@hillaryrubin.com (you will get your gift sent to you via email)
3. Please share this post on Twitter and Facebook + share the End Sex Trafficking Day site and stand up for these women by giving.

Let’s be impossible to ignore, women and children are not for sale.

Thank you in advance for taking a stand for freedom and helping Erin, the other contributors, and me remind the world that slavery isn’t ok. Every baby step matters and becomes a leap into a new reality.

Xo,

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff for Moms: Interview with Kristine Carlson

Hillary Rubin — Wed, 11 Apr 2012 11:02:45 +0000

Do you ever get caught letting everything get to you as a mom? Or do you see your friends that are mom’s always stressing out? I am not a mom yet outside having my hairy daughter Mala (my Boston Terrier) and always see my friends doing their best and not sure how to help.

The Soul-ution is here…

Today I am soooooo excited today to share with you my first video interview with a soul sister who has a new book with the exact steps for any mom (or mom to be) who wants to stop stressing and get a whole lot happier.

Back in 2010 I met Kristine Carlson when she just released her book Heart Broken Open at the WIN Conference in LA. She shared her story of healing the unexpected loss of her husband Richard Carlson the author of the Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff series.

Her open heart, wisdom and authenticity was incredibly inspiring and instantly I knew she was a soul sister. Today she is sharing her newest book Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff for Moms that is the go to bible for mom’s to live more simply and enjoying your family more.

One of the tips I love the most is: Practice breathing when you speak – click here to tweet!

Watch this video now to get the full scoop on the book and how you can live with less stress and more happiness.

Click here to get your copy of Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff for Moms (And gift it to your friends, I know I am.)

Now we’d love to hear from YOU – please post your comment below and let us know what you think about this interview.

What have YOU learned from being a mother that surprised you? Who in your life (your mother or another woman) shared some powerful wisdom around motherhood or taught you a lesson you’re grateful for?

Your angel of fire,