How to Breakthrough Feeling like a FRAUD or IMPOSTER

blog_05.02.14Why do so many (of us) smart, high-achieving women fear we are frauds? The truth is, it’s not just women who feel this way, men feel this way too.

This seems to be the million dollar question these days, and I’m going to do my best to help you navigate these choppy waters to find some ease and resolve.

(It’s going to be easier than you think.)

If you feel this way right now or have ever felt this way, you must know it’s not your fault. You’re human, and some of the smartest people I know have felt this way, and still have moments when they feel the swell of doubt.

DOUBT is at the core of feeling like an IMPOSTER or FRAUD. Click to tweet.

We doubt instead of be proud of who we are.
It looks like this… “I can’t do this.” Or “What if I can’t?”

We question instead of believe in who we are.
It looks like this… “Who do I think I am?”

We put ourselves down instead of taking ownership of where we are on the path.
It looks like this… “I’m not as good as someone else doing this.” Or “I have no idea what I’m doing.”

If you are a coach or service provider, then you most likely think this thought to yourself often, “How can I help anyone else if my life, relationships, or business is a mess?” Good question and one we can navigate easily.

This thought is common, and why in my coach training program, we start off with ALL coaches are human. Because they are, we are, and there is room for not having it all figured out. I know I don’t and it makes life more interesting.

Sometimes we do need to do the work to get our so called “shit” together. And then sometimes, we need to shift our focus on what we can help others with, focus on our own results, and the results we can help others make happen.

We are complete when we leave this planet, as a human there are always places to improve or grow. Click to tweet.

We, our ego’s, put the emphasis on us instead of what we are doing or who we are helping.

We also may have had parents who pushed us, or we pushed ourselves, into becoming this high-overachieving machine, and it’s never enough – or we are not enough. It can be in spite of who your parents were or your life was. This was me.

We tend to be more focused on proving than providing. This is key to moving out of feeling like a fraud.

It’s a cycle, a pattern, energy – and it can be shifted and changed if we are aware of it.

What it takes is patience, acceptance, and a willingness to be amused by it and step into a new awareness of loving ourselves as we are. Are you ready for that paradigm shift?

We let insecurity take us over instead of sheer happiness we are on the path to do what we always wanted to do. Unless you are not doing what you wanted and then you may want to ask yourself, if you didn’t do it, would you feel better or feel a pull to go for it?

Now, I’m curious to know… Where is the place for being a beginner?

Do you need to always be the best – even when you are starting out? Whether you get a higher education or not, certified or not, or use your natural talents, where is the place for starting out?  For making mistakes?  For learning?  For growing and being human?

FOR NOT KNOWING SOMETHING? Eek! I hear this one all the time. What if my coaching client asks me something I don’t know the answer to. Guess what, you can say I’m not sure or I don’t know, and you are not a FRAUD or IMPOSTER.

Doctor’s do it. Lawyer’s do it. Teachers do it. Why can’t you? Hmmmm…

There is a hidden block that causes PRESSURE.

This pressure is to be PERFECT, flawless, and the best. To  meet someone else’s standards that you have taken on for yourself. To prove yourself to someone to get the love or approval you most likely won’t get in the end. Bitter, and true.  

OK, I’ll put my cards on the table – I have really high standards.

I”m a recovering perfectionist and pay attention to this daily. I also know there is room for growth and learning, and know all I can be is the best I can be. I can only teach what I know and trust in myself. It took me years, but you can drop this one like a hot potato and step up your game to believe in yourself and accept where you are.

Let’s do it now…. I am stepping up my game to believe in myself and accept where I am on my path. I am enough! Click to tweet.

When I was asked to be a business coach and felt like an imposter.

Years ago, I was coaching and I had a lot of people who wanted me to coach them around business. I asked the question, “Who am I to teach anyone about business?” I also wanted to focus on my “niche” and let other coaches who did this well do it.

So, I passed on working with these clients. Then a friend of mine said, you are great at business and this is part of your life, you love it and you can totally help them.” On one hand, I wanted to stay focused on my niche. And on the other, I was like, can I really help them?

What helped me was to look at my strengths. What I did well in my life and what I could teach. Basically do me. After about a year, I realized my work is to do the inner game before the outer game. Without the inner work the outer is just paint.

So, I worked with a coach for 8 months on my inner game, who changed my life inside and out. This showed me what is important to being a success – the inner game.  It is validating and aligns with what I believe today to be the core of my work.

A few steps I took that will help you release the feeling of being a fraud or imposter.

We can start here… I’m ready to be proud of who I am today.

1. Be proud of who you are. Daily, take the time to tell yourself in the mirror how proud you are of the person you are right now.

2. Know your strengths, where you shine, and what you love to do. Daily, be cool with what is not your thing and what you don’t like to do. Check in to see what your strengths are and release having to do everything perfectly.

3. Give yourself permission to be where you are. Be curious like a beginner, know what you know and be able to say, I don’t know, I will look into this for you. Or refer to someone who does. (This is what shifted everything for me to release doubt and own my place in this world as a coach.)

Now let’s create your Permission Statement.

Ready to release this fraud and imposter thing and give yourself permission to be the best you can be right now? It’s easy and effective.

Fill in the script below and add in what it is you want to release, and what you want to create.

I give myself PERMISSION to release any doubt or feelings around being a fraud or an imposter as a [around whatever you’re feeling like a fraud/imposter about]. It’s getting easier to take OWNERSHIP of my life and keep my focus on how I can help people [whatever you are doing for people]. Every day I show up as my best and I accept myself for being where I am on my path. I am enough and grateful to be me. And so it is…

Now step into your power and enjoy owning your blessed life.

To get the best results: Say your Permission Statement every day out loud with enthusiasm while looking in the mirror. (Even if you feel awkward, it will work. I’ve had clients not into this at first who use it, and they were amazed at how it shifted them.)

Now it’s time to own this, gorgeous. 

In the comments below, share your permission statement and report back how it feels to start giving yourself permission to release doubt and feelings around being a fraud or imposter.

Let’s do this together!

BONUS: For the first 5 brave souls who share their permission statement in the comments below, we will give away The Art of Becoming You Meditation Pack. (You will receive the meditation pack via email.)

You are the only one who can give you the permission you want and need. Allow yourself to receive it.

Your Angel of Fire,

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P.S. Bonus: Take this mantra if it works for you… Be you and only you. Teach what you know.  If you don’t know, own it confidently and find out the information. Click to tweet.

 

 

 

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