Ready to Play the Comparison Game?

We’re back with another babysitter blogger today. Kristin Misik, inner confidence coach, acupuncturist + creator of The Confidence Cultivator Experience, is here to share new rules for the comparison game. Check it out and see how you can reframe comparison and use it to your benefit!

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kmisikHave you ever felt like there must be something wrong with you because you can’t help but play the comparison game?

Stop comparing yourself to others!” is the rally cry of most top-notch coaches. How exactly do you do this?

I’ve tried, and I’ve found this to be a seemingly impossible and futile pursuit, to say the least.

I went through a period of desperately wanting not to compare myself to others. I believed it was ruining my ability to get ahead. And the harder I tried NOT to play the comparison game, the more defeated I felt – how do you stop the mind from discriminating this from that?

Eventually, I surrendered to the fact that discriminating thoughts are part of the human experience. I realized this…

Comparison isn’t the problem – it’s whether comparing yourself to someone else to your benefit or detriment. Click to tweet…

It’s true that comparing ourselves to others can make us feel shitty about where we are in our businesses or careers, the shape of our nose or the size of our hips. However, without using our judgement, ability to discriminate and compare, we wouldn’t know right from wrong, safe from dangerous or a work of art from an imposter.

I’ve been a Chinese Medicine doctor for a decade and the crux of everything I do, from diagnosis to treatment, hinges on comparison – yin in relationship to yang. Which is more or less? Is the body hot or cold? Stagnant or fluid?

Light only exists because of dark. Life because of death. Male because of female. These things are all considered interdependent…simply put, you can’t have one without the other. These dualistic qualities and contrasting phenomena are understood only in comparison to one another.

Without your ability to compare, you would be like a small child who can’t discern between a garter snake and a copperhead. They are both snakes and both small. However, it is the discriminating characteristics and your ability to compare, which allow you to know one is harmless while the other is deadly.

It’s the cognitive function of discrimination and comparison which keeps you alive, allows you to make choices, and provides the context for personal development.

The ability of the mind to analyze, discriminate, and define are considered a mental faculty of the Metal Element in Chinese philosophy. If you have strong, healthy Metal Energy, you are likely to be fair, accepting and conscientious in your judgments. If Metal Energy is exaggerated, you will tend to prejudice, self-righteousness and indifference. When Metal Energy collapses, low self worth, resignation and a lack of conviction ensue.

One of my favorite topics when it comes to comparison is food. Everyone has an opinion about which foods are “good” and those which are “bad”.

Is chocolate cake good or bad? Chocolate lovers and cake lovers would argue cake is good.  They experience happiness when they eat it, they get a bit of a high from the sugar, and it can momentarily erase the pain of a stressful day.

Raw foodists, dietitians and dentists would all say chocolate cake may taste good, but really it’s bad – it’s high in fat and sugar, and it’s made from refined foods which contribute to obesity, diabetes and cavities.

I say food is amoral. It is neither inherently good nor bad – it is how you use it which determines it’s qualitative value. An entire chocolate cake in one sitting probably isn’t good for anyone. A single piece of chocolate cake every now and again has benefits…reduction in stress hormones, a boost of antioxidants, and even a little protein (thanks to the eggs).

This same logic can be applied to the comparison game. You comparing yourself to someone else is only a matter of perspective and values.

Rather than trying to opt out of a game in which there are no quitters, simply rewrite the rules. Click to tweet…

Leveraging the power of Metal Energy and using comparison to your advantage requires finesse.

Should you find yourself caught up in an internal battle of have vs have not, try these new rules for the comparison game:

      1. Know your worth:  Whenever someone else has something you want, know in your heart of hearts you are worthy of the same. When you see something you want, simply tell yourself, “I want that, too, and I am worthy of it.
      2. Prioritize your values:  What do you really value?  What matters most to you? We often build our lives and spend our time doing the things we value most. If you value family and health above money, this may mean you spend more time nurturing your family and your body than you do nurturing your bank account.
      3. Remain objective:  It’s easy in the comparison game to lose perspective. Remember: you are on your own journey. Rather than jumping to the conclusion someone else has it easier or better than you, consider all of the trials, tribulations and pain they may have endured to get where they are. You don’t know what their experiences are, so don’t assume you want what they have.
      4. Get inspired:  There is always room for improvement. When someone has something you want, allow your desires to serve as fuel for the fires of possibility. Desire is a huge motivator for creation, as long as you don’t let your feelings of lack stand in the way.
      5. Be Methodical:  People manifest their dreams because they take action on them.  When you are clear about what you want, establish a method for getting it. By following a plan, you have the benefit of evaluating what works and what doesn’t. And don’t be afraid to scrap a plan if it isn’t working.

So, what do you say? Are you stuck in the comparison game, playing by the old rules?

Share with me in the comments how you are going to put these new rules into action in your life – where are you going to change your perspective on comparison so you can use it to your benefit?

 

Meet Kristin…

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Kristin Misik, inner confidence coach, acupuncturist + creator of The Confidence Cultivator Experience, helps women take action, bust fears and believe in themselves again. Through the wisdom of Chinese medicine, the Five Elements become the tool for empowering the modern woman for success in her body + business.  You can learn more about her work at kristinmisik.com and connect with her on Facebook and Twitter.

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Comments

  1. Love a step by step process for dealing with comparison. Objectivity, in my opinion, is the key! It helps us detach from the “personal” side of things.

    • It can be tricky Stephanie not to take things personally when we are often questioning ourselves as a person when comparison to others is the issue; objectivity is the saving grace.

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