The #1 Ingredient Needed To Build Your Self Confidence

A few weeks back my husband asked me which movie I wanted to watch. It was either The Fighter or The King’s Speech. He said, “one is a story of the underdog and the other is a triumph of the spirit.” Both appeared to be compelling stories that seemed totally different to me at first.

After watching them both, I began to see the two main characters as the same man. It was like they were shadows of one another. One was from what you could call ‘white trash’ (no offense) and the other royalty. See, when we get down to the basics of being human we are the more the same than different.

Because I have been taught by one of my teachers Dr. Douglas Brooks to see that we are all the characters in the story, it opens new ways to see our own potential. These movies are really about overcoming our fears and fulfilling our potential. What is challenging is that we are taken over by our fear and blinded to what has always been there for us to be.

And there was one ingredient that really made those characters become who they really were meant to be. Can you guess what that is?

How can we learn from these characters and see ourselves?  That’s the question to ask. Ultimately that’s the gift,  to see what we can learn for ourselves.

Here’s my breakdown:

1. Both characters felt inferior to their older brothers.
2. They lived in the shadow and felt they were not good enough.
3. They were both abused, had low self esteem and little to no confidence.
3. Every time they did something, they felt like a failure.
4. When they were around their brothers or family, they were like Superman near Kryptonite. (this was super painful for me to watch.)
5. They both wanted freedom but couldn’t use the same way of thinking to get out of the problem.
6. They were both made fun of from their families as not being as good as the older brother.
7. They were both stuck in the person they were told to be.
8. They both felt they were free until they were not and thought about quitting.

What did they have that helped them create a strong foundation to become the men they were meant to be?

1. They both had women who loved them and believed in them. (you can have a man or women to do this)
2. They began to go outside their comfort zone (painful as it was) and try on new ways of being.
3. They had mentors help them who did not let them get away with their usual crap.
4. They learned to speak up (yes, more for The King) for what they wanted.
5. They took steps to change their environment, mental + physical.
6. They went out in search of help even when they were not sure if it would aid them.
7. They received support from a healthier place that kept them from giving up.
8. They began to create a stable foundation to get past the biggest challenge of their life and eventually triumphed.

Did you figure out the one ingredient? Foundation = Eco-system. They created a new circle of support and pulled the weeds from inside to become the men they were meant to be so they could grow into the person they were meant to be.

Watching these movies showed me how I’m just like them. I feel the same way some days and had to make the same changes and still continue to do so now.  It was hard to watch The Fighter for me since I grew up around drugs and that sort of environment, but eventually I changed my environment. I stayed away from family who were toxic and challenged myself to do what I was afraid of to realize who I was to become.

This was not easy nor did my friends understand how I could do such a thing, but I knew it had to happen to become who I wanted to be, not who my surroundings were dictating I was to be.
Can you relate? Do you feel you could make your foundation stronger to go for what you really want? Do you feel that circumstances are in your way of your health, wellness or happiness?

If you want to build your foundation and start with a strong eco-system then sign up for my *free* newsletter. You’ll get the support that you are looking for from someone who get’s it.

Please comment and just know that when you comment it builds my confidence. 🙂

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  1. Very very nice analysis! Really! I watched The King Speech today and your post really resonated with me. Thank you.

  2. I loved both these movies for different reasons, and hadn’t made the connections you did! I am totally digging your list of similarities…it’s definitely the magic formula for *success* in all areas: health, self-growth, relationships, business etc. It takes guts, determination, stick-to-it-iveness and a TEAM of people lovingly helping you! We all get to help and be helped, when we open our minds and hearts to living and playing full out.

    Love this!

  3. Hi Hillary, So creative. By picking out the similarities between two very different, but equally determined individuals and highlighting what you know from experience, both in your own healing journey and that as a coach/teacher, is so helpful. It’s so true that we can create a community that supports our vision and goals. Your list points this out so well! Thanks for the food for thought today 🙂

  4. Wow Hillary, you did a fabulous job finding similarities in these movies. Now, I want to go watch both of them!

    The foundation and Eco-system has definitely been core ingredients for me to step out of shadows and into the brightness of my own self.

    Thanks for sharing such a thought provoking article! Absolutely loved this.


  5. Loved this! It’s SO relevant, and so true. Eco-system is literally about flourishing or whithering- thanks for the great connections and reminder Hillary!

  6. Funny. I have come back to this post 3 times because it is so interesting.
    Love the comparisons and analogies here, Hillary.

    Most importantly, you bring up incredibly powerful lessons to learn from every day life and then ask us to connect with a deep level of self awareness. It’s as if you are teaching through your blog posts. Brillz. That’s such a nice gift 🙂

    Thank you so much! xoxo

    • Hillary Rubin says:

      Thanks Britt! Love that you got the teaching that’s awesome. Everyday life is where we get the chance to enroll in the university of ourselves – there’s nothing like it. You are so welcome! 🙂

  7. Hillary, this is so profound and brilliant. I have seen neither of these movies {yet}, but feel that the wisdom you pulled out are universal truths. It also has me thinking about what weeds I may need to be pulling! Thanks for sharing this. xo

  8. Oh my goodness, you’re tweet title was so good that I clicked on this article AGAIN! (And I’ve already read & commented on it. lol)

    So I’ll say Hello Hillary! Great article.

  9. Its nice to see this article. Most of the people totally lacks self confidence. That is why they tend to forbid their self in building a bright future.
    Thanks for sharing all your thoughts.

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