What Does Your Deeper Self Desire That You Are Denying?

For years my bones have been aching to create gatherings for women to be safe, supportive and in partnership. I had no idea how or what it would look like. Then a few months ago, I was asked to speak in Los Angeles for a women’s group called Tribal Truth.

I’m not one to join groups so easily but when I stepped into this circle of collaboration every cell in my body said YES – I knew it was home for me. My deeper self pulled me to ask to be the LA tribe leader and I just took action and now I am the LA Tribe leader.

Listening to that voice inside you opens magical doors of opportunity.

This past weekend I helped launch Tribal Truth in New York City. We had over 50 women come to connect to this new paradigm for women to work together and find their place in the world.

Our goal was to have 75 women there.  We knew we weren’t going to get the turn-out we’d hoped for – but instead of hanging out saying, “We don’t know how it’s going to happen,” we took action as a team.  We focused on creating, giving and making space to birth this event.

Saying “I don’t know” can put the breaks on your soul’s desire.

A week before the event, I was talking with one of the women in my Inner Circle Virtual Mastery program. She shared her biggest frustrations in her life and we discussed what the best strategy to design her life to fulfill her heart looks like. It was deep, revealing, and at moments painful because she knows what she has to do.

To help her uncover her answers, I asked her some questions.  She was really clear on the answers on so many levels. And she also was not on others.  But when I asked her one question and she answered, “I don’t know,”  I responded as I do when I hear this statement with, “You do know”.

Then there was a sea of quiet that came over the phone.

I waited patentiently for her to respond.

She said softly, “I’m afraid to know”.

She was so real, raw and uncensored.  I’ve never in my life had anyone admit this to me. She stood in her truth, emotionally naked. It was a paradigm shifter for us both.  The veil was lifted and I was able to admit that I too at was, at times, afraid to know.

“I don’t know” – The Big Three, as I like to call them, who do their utmost to keep us from our most powerful selves.

This statement takes your power away like kryptonite does to Superman. It takes you out of the driver seat and keeps you in a painful place of wanting someone to figure it out for you. It’s not a safe place to be and you feel disconnected to source.

When we say The Big Three we are cutting ourselves off from what our deeper selves wisdom.

When we are asked what we want in life, what our dreams are, what we want to be when we grow up or what’s the best choice we need to make, we tend to say The Big Three – “I don’t know”. But what we really mean is “I’m afraid to know”.

As the Buddhist First Noble Truth states, “Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional, we are given a choice to take on what we feel we know and then not suffer what may come from it.” So by owning that we are afraid to know and continuing to move forward mindfully we avoid denying our deeper self from coming out to play.

I believe there is no failing and that we are destined for success, even it if does not look like that while it is happening.

What we suffer from is not wanting to hurt others, fear of outshining others, wanting to make others happy, not doing something because we care more about what others may think, getting it right, or risking looking like a fool.

What if you could not fail and there was no wrong or right?

What does your deeper self know that you are afraid to admit? What if you voiced what it is that you do know you want and could not be laughed at, yelled at, or hit? What if you did know in your heart, but your ego was just trying to protect you from a fear that’s not real?

For the most part the questions we’re met with are not a life or death situation. And if they are, when you get really quiet and honest with yourself you do know, but only realize you are afraid to do what will take you out of being comfortable.

It was such a courageous statement when my client said that she was afraid of knowing. It was a gift she gave to me and to you. She knows that it is not going to be easy for her so she reached out for help. That is way cool in my book.

So many of us feel we have to do it ourselves and rely on not doing it by saying The Big Three — “I don’t know”. I know I did.

A few months ago I said to one my mentors, Marie Forleo, that I didn’t know.  She responded that it’s an excuse to not do what I really want to do and avoid doing it wrong.  She was right.  I did know, but just wanted to have it be perfect.  It’s human and we must overcome this to be free.

Now whenever I find myself saying, “I don’t know” with my friends, they do for me what I do for them and say – “Hillary, you do know”. And now I know I can be real thanks to my client and say, I am afraid to know.

Try this next time you catch yourself saying The Big 3 – “I don’t know”.  You can use these steps to get you out of this painful hole.

  • You may not know sometimes, but your body knows it just has not been able to sync up with your mind. The first thing you need to do when you catch yourself saying “I don’t know” is stop it and turn it around and say “I do know.”
  • You can also get up and move your body, shake your hips, shoulders and put your hands on your belly and take 5 deep breaths. Connect to your core.
  • You can also sit, get quiet, take a few breaths then ask out loud, “what am I afraid of?” You will get a feeling, a word will come up or an image. If nothing, then ask again and see what is revealed.

What are you saying “you don’t know” to that YOU really do know?  Claim your truth here so we can support you. For bonus points share one baby step you will take to move towards what you want to create in your life.

The first 5 to comment will get my help on what the next step would be to move you from know knowing to getting closer to what you desire.

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