Why Being Serious Won’t Solve Your Problems (AND what to do instead….)

blogimage_01.17.14Have you ever been in a sh*t storm where you felt like pulling your hair out and you thought, “I just need to get serious and figure this out?”

Your body tenses up then your palms start to sweat because you have no idea
how you are going to solve this problem.

Basically, you feel like the weight of the world is pressing on your shoulders and
if anyone dares to interrupt you, it’s going to be either an explosive blow up or a major melt down.

Sister you are not alone. I know this scenario too well…

This is not a brag, it’s a huge confession. As a child I laughed often during the oddest times and it only landed me in more trouble, like being punched in my face by my brother. What made it odd was this, I’d be laughing when a family member was either upset, hurt or freaking out about some problem that seemed larger than life.

My biology teacher said it was a nervous laugh, and it was. At least I thought it was. To get through the life I’ve lived, I had to use something and laughing was one of my outlets before it was beat out of me and I started using drugs to cope.

I also heard this almost every time I’d laugh about a problem, “What is wrong with you, Hillary?” Probably the worst question on the planet EVER to ask anyone, leaving a huge imprint on my self worth and I spent years trying to fix what was wrong with me.

This was followed by my aunt telling me I was being childish and not taking things seriously, and if I was ever going to make anything of myself, I better buckle down and get serious. She knew a few things and I looked up to her so I paid attention.

I packed up my playful, amused self and got serious fast.

Only to get more advice from every teacher or boss I ever had that went like this:

Business is no laughing matter.

Success takes a serious mind.

Work is work and play is play.

Have you ever heard these sayings or other ones like it?

If you did, then you are in the right place, and will love the tool I’m sharing with you. It will help you get out of your serious pants and put on your “let’s make life work for you dress”.

What I have found is being serious about problems or challenging situations only drags out an Emmy award winning drama, an even more painful situation that feels horrible and basically sucks out any life that is left that wants to be expressed.

When I look back on everything I’ve learned, I now know what’s real for me and being serious was never as helpful as everyone said it would be. I want my work to be fun. I want to laugh when I’m working. I want my creativity to be my success.

I want to be light, even in the heaviest of moments.

After 20+ years of being on a personal growth journey, I now believe being serious won’t ever solve a problem. You can agree or disagree with me and this is your freedom. Can I get an, “Amen sister!”

Has being serious ever really paid off for you?

There is a better way than being serious when any size sh*t storm happens.

Last year I took off my serious pants and made one adjustment that shifted everything for me when it came to problem solving, and today I’m sharing it with you. It will help you cut back on feeling weighed down by your problems and you will start to have a new way to handle them, without the drama.

Before we get into that let’s talk about WHY being serious does not work.

First, when you are wearing your serious pants, your energy becomes dull and like dead weight. You are stuck and nothing comes to mind really.

You can check for yourself, how do you feel when you are serious? Heavy or light?

Second, when you are serious, you are a magnet for more serious energy that blocks your intuition and creativity.

Go ahead and check for yourself, has being serious ever helped you to be more creative or tap into your intuition?

Third, when you are serious, do you find people want to be around you or feel safe to interrupt you or ask a question?

Last check in, when you are serious are you easy to be around or ask a question?

Now are you ready for what to do instead?

It’s so easy you may laugh. Try it. Laugh. No, really be amused.

Stand up and give a good celebratory “YAY!” for your situation. I know this is not what you were trained to do, and maybe like me, you were shut down.

AMUSEMENT is what to do instead. Be amused inside to not piss off people.

I guess my biology teacher was onto something. If I kept my laugh to myself and was amused, then maybe I would have not been hit as much.

When you are laughing, even if it’s fake, you are releasing serious energy. You are creating your own energetic space. You open up your creative flow of insights.

I have my clients do this all the time and even when a tough moment arises. They will say HA, HA, HA and totally be pissed at me, then break out laughing.

One thing I found when using amusement is when something is stuck and I can’t open it or I feel blocked, when I become amused at myself and have a good laugh, the energy releases and the door opens or I get an idea that works.

(Psst… If you are feeling like this is nuts then great, give yourself the next 48 hrs to play with it and see what happens. I love a skeptic and am one myself.)

Now it’s your turn Gorgeous….

Let me know in the comments below how being serious when times got tough paid off for you. (If you don’t have an answer that works too!)

Then tell me what your biggest problem or situation is that you are dealing with right now and how you are going to use AMUSEMENT to shift your energy around it.

1, 2, 3, Go! And please make sure you are laughing when you share this.

Remember, when you share your heart you most likely will inspire someone and you never know whose life you will impact. Life is cool like that.

Your Angel of Fire,






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  1. Lovely, thanks for this article. It is a great reminder. I forget sometimes to use HA, HA, HA, but when I do remember to practice it, I feel lighter and things do go smoother. Time to throw away my serious pants so I don’t put them back on.

    • Hillary Rubin says:

      Kat you are welcome love. Yes the amusement is great inside and out. Burn those serious pants lady. xo H

  2. Yay for yucks! I remember listening to Car Talk RELIGIOUSLY the year my dad was dying of lung cancer…and giggling at Russell Peters when, more recently, one of my kids was going through a dark time (no, didn’t only giggle…but when the worried talk and action got too much, I took a medicinal dose of humor).

    I’m just about to launch my coaching practice and media and will definitely have iTunes Radio on a comedy channel when I’m doing my solitary tasks. And am looking for an improv class to be outrageous in this year. Thanks for your sharing and great heart!

  3. Oh man your bit about us getting pissed at you and then laughing…well it made me crack up. Out loud. No shame at all. 🙂

    Biggest problem right now is being unemployed and owning up to what I really want (versus what is the safer and “smarter” alternative). Things were really really tough this summer and we’re finally in a more secure place (financially, personally, and even with our location…) so the scramble to JUST GET A JOB AND GET SOMETHING FAST is over and done with. But there’s still a lot of pressure to contribute the “regular” way (aka a 9-5), most of which I place on myself (even as I write this I’m smirking a bit because I so know that the beau doesn’t really care!). But in all of this, being more serious or modeling myself after successful people who are so serious hasn’t worked. The more I tried to force myself to just sit down and get it done and pump my way through it, the more resistance I felt. So hell, why not try another way?!

    Also this post epitomizes why I love you. The serious way didn’t work…yet I kept trying it. And then you come in and offer a solution tht is stunning in its simplicity and its implication: there’s another way. xoxoxo

  4. Hillary: Thank you for bringing amusement to my life.

    Beings serious has helped me focus on achieving my goals as a pastry chef: graduating with honors, meeting my economic goals..
    But as I write this I am feeling that truthfully: laughing at hard times in the Culinary Industry have made miracles: in making really hard moments a lot of fun and shifting my energy. Looking back at these moments and moments in my therapy that could have been very intense, became transcendently unique. I grew and had joy with a light heart. Enjoying the process as much as my destination!! And changing my engagement and level of frecuency to who I relate to. I recall my Mom asking me: “But are you having fun?” So fun and amusement raise my havingness like you say Hillary, my self worth, helps me be creative in a fun space.. expansive and free.

    My biggest problem right now that needs more amusement are my conversations with my husband when we get too serious.. it feels dense, complicated.. I want to live this with an open light heart and make this FUN!!

    Thank you dear!!


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